omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
