do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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