you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
