Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
