If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
