I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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