4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
