Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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