you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
