Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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