I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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