you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
