I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
