Swine flu is the new snow day.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
