You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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