Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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