you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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