Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
