ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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