I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
