yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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