i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
