Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
