five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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