Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
