I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
