True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
