Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
