Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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