I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
