It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
