Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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