so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
