so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
