New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
