Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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