I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
