forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
