If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
