i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
