why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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