I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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