can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
