just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
