i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
