Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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