My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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