based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
