You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You left your phone here
Wait...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
