Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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