filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
