Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Randomize
