Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Randomize
